2010 has been a huge year of change and I need to remind myself to give myself time to adjust, heal and learn the fine art of self care.

In 2010, I shuttered my business, got divorced, traded my anti-depressants for a BMW motorcycle and took my life on the road.

Yea, I’d say its been a year of significant change.

Newly Single

Divorce can be a nasty business. It’s what needed to happen for both of us to be able to get on with life and be fully functioning members of society.

I am not looking for anything but friendship when it comes women. I’m still healing and connecting with myself. What I missed most in my life was passion. Its been a long time since I’ve felt the heat of passion.

I’m not talking about sex, love or being a horn dog, but to find something that makes my heart sing and to feel again the heat of passion.

Experiencing Heat of Passion

Passion can be experienced in many, many different ways and reasons. It’s the kind of passion that warms the heart, is mentally and emotionally stimulating. I’m talking about something that totally captures my imagination.

It’s that sense of feeling totally alive, awake and excited about my future. Personally, I’m giving myself permission to “suck the marrow from the bone of life”. To approach everyday with passion and be fully engaged.

To Be Fully Engaged

When I start riding each day, I remind myself to “engage”. The idea is to remind myself to be fully present and engaged. Unlike driving a car, riding a motorcycle requires full engagement. I use my left hand for the clutch, left foot to shift gears, right hand to operate accelerator and front brake, right foot to operate the rear brake. I shift my body weight to lean the bike into a turn.

Add in the attention required to drive defensively, avoid road and traction hazards a motorcycle rider must be fully engaged to ride safely.

The other thing I love about motorcycle riding is the visceral feel for the environment. Somehow, I feel more connected and real.

Permission to Feel Be Real

I’ve also gave myself permission to feel again. A decade on anti-depressants left me flat. I felt nothing. No joy, sadness or depression. I told my doctor that I’d rather deal with the side effects of feeling occasionally depressed than to feel like the walking dead.

NOTE: I got off Effexor XR gradually, under my doctors supervision and utilizing a natural supplement regimen to offset the nasty withdrawal symptoms and side effects. DO NOT just stop taking your meds, have a discussion with your doctor first.

I’ve Found That The Best Antidote To Anti-Depressants Is To Overhaul My Life

One of the nice side effects of getting off the antidepressant is clarity of thought and knowing what I want. While in the fog of antidepressants I found it difficult to make decisions – decisions that warmed my heart, felt congruent and were good for me.

I wanted to travel for awhile. I looked at a 45 foot, 600 HP diesel pusher a year ago but it was too much. Too much stuff, fuel, and not environmentally friendly or responsible. So a high end motorcycle fit the bill. Light, economical, fuel efficient and an achievable dream.

My biggest assignment now is to learn how to look after myself. I’m learning to put myself first. To do things for myself without feeling guilt, regret and second guessing myself. I’m talking about the fine art of self care.

Developing A Self Care Consciousness: The Fine Art of Self Care

What I’m talking about is tender, loving self care that soothes the soul and mends the heart.

Today, I sense that my priority needs to shift from a survival and caregiver consciousness to a “self care consciousness”. To develop and cultivate a kinder, gentler and more thoughtful way of being with myself. To develop this “self care consciousness” to such a degree that “self care” is my main priority each day and in alignment with my values, dreams and desires.

Now that is a life worth living!

Travel Light. Dream It Forward! Be.

Greg Balanko-Dickson
Making Memories Technician

http://twitter.com/gregbd

http://www.gregbd.com/